Scenes from the Edge

Radio Silence

2007-10-18T13:49:00.001-07:00

My last post. Big Promises. Ha.

Life's had me on quite a whirlwind the past few weeks. Roller coaster might be a closer analogy. Except this coaster goes off-rail.

I owe everyone and their mom e-mails and phone calls. Sorry ya'll.

The extreme ends of my life recently have been the death of a friend counter-weighted against Andy's movie, his feature Cinematographer debut, opening tomorrow in something around a thousand theaters. This one. Go see it, especially if you are a 9-16 year old girl.

As for the loss...not enough words right now.

We'll miss you Ronnie.

Back to regularly scheduled programming soon~ish.

oh hai how long u been standing ther?

2007-09-15T20:33:00.000-07:00

Back from Burning Man;

Quit smoking;

Crazy dreams (the nighttime kind);

Feeling wound-up by something unidentified;

Creatively, feeling meh;

Not writing, nothing inspires;

Plan: get a new perspective. Clean up and re-do office to plush happy work environ (currently is just really an unused junk pile area/closet of doom while I sit on the living room couch on my laptop)...also a few trips to LA, some even sans Boyfriend, to shake up shit.

Oh, and a fucking haircut.

Thanks, blog, for helping me realize the path to my Greatest Potential:
1. Re-do my office
2. Get outta my house
3. Get a haircut
4. Create timeless creative works
5. Eternal Joy

Seems easy enough.

--BTW, I'm going to make myself post more. Here.

Sometimes it might not be pretty, like today.

Pardon the blood n guts while we are under construction.

I'm Not Dead

2007-08-17T16:11:00.001-07:00

...Just been on a bit of a Virtual Vacation. Recharging the creative batteries. And getting ready to leave for Burning Man very soon.

I've been writing a bit, but very on and off, hit and miss. So I've been spending some time playing with Other Creative Things I like but rarely get to do. It's been a Good Thing, but it's time to buckle down.

So right after my return from Burning Man, I'm putting myself on a writing schedule, and I have some new ideas I'm excited to start.

Ready to be back in the saddle.

America, You are Dead to Me

2007-06-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

Taking a page from the How To Make Big Headlines In Jail by Gandi, Paris refused to eat and now she's been "transferred" to house arrest. Because somehow refusing to eat is Suddenly a special kind of health issue for which she and she alone should get special treatment for.

Dead to me, America. Truly. What's the point anymore of even trying to put on a face like you're a serious country doing serious things when Paris can get out of jail for not eating?

Because house arrest IS NOT jail. No where near, especially for her. She can still shop online. Get Poo-poo'ed by whomever her family hires for that detail. Have friends visit. Sleep in her own goddamn bed.

So, yea, maybe I'm more cranky than usual due to the monthly visit of the Gnome-miners -- they have tiny shark pick-axes.

But still.

There is no justice in this world. Truly. Children starve and Paris gets out of jail for not eating. Normal people serve their time while The New Royalty gets a get-out-of-jail-(practically)-free card.

Maybe I'll stop eating to protest Paris being let out of jail. No one will care. And I will die. Or I won't die and I end up super-skinny. Then, and only then, maybe I'll, too, have a shot at fame. Not based on talent, per say. Unless showing the most ribs through your skin counts.

Hi, Me

2007-06-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

I've had a habit since I was young.

I talk to myself.

Granted, there are times when I'm more...shy. When I live with/around a bunch of people, for instance. See, they think you're talking to them...and then you have to explain. Then you're forced into just whispering -- or even mouthing. Or sometimes it's all just trapped in your head, the whole conversation.

I had a realization: do other writers do this? Is this a normal trait for other story-smiths?

Personally, I find that being able to really talk out loud to yourself is exponentially more helpful than just keeping it all in your head. There's a second set of brain processing that goes on when it must first come out your mouth and then filter it's way back in through your ears and THEN hits your brain.

If it's bullshit, an alarm goes off. Why? I think it's the "coming out of someone else's mouth" filter at work.

Anyway, share. Do you? Should you? Could you? Try it, at least. Best done when alone. We tend to self-sensor if we think people can hear us...

Cheating

2007-05-28T19:41:00.000-07:00

So, I've been kinda blocked. Not completely, but my usual Flow has been more like a Trickle. Sometimes only Drips. The rewrite is killing me. Starting to doubt my skills as a writer. Realizing I might be...a hack.

Meanwhile, the rewrite producer calls and emails me all the time, wanting to see progress.

So late Thursday night Andy finds out he has to go to LA for work the next day, dealing with the trailer film-out for the movie. He made me go so he could take the carpool lane.

I took the car time opportunity to talk to Andy about the Outsider Holiday script. We brainstormed. He gave me some really good ideas, which spurned a nice back and forth. I started getting excited.

Up in LA, we first had a screening of the film-out at Technicolor and then ate lunch at the Universal Cafeteria. I kept my eyes peeled for Jane -- not that I think I'd be able to identify her from her tiny website picture, but you never know. She's from Iowa, too. I just realized that. Shout out to the corn-bred!

Then we were back and forth to different offices and post houses, then headed home. Headed straight out to a club, something we hardly ever do these days. But it was Bassnectar. Caught up with a bunch of friends we don't see much anymore. Lately we've been social hermits.

So Saturday morning I start writing down the stuff we talked about in the car brainstorming sessions. And....magic.

It's back. I'm back. I'm not a hack.

Of course, this is my "cheating" script. I almost feel guilty working on it when I have a producer breathing down my neck for something else.

But I need my confidence. I need to write. I need to get flowing. I think I'm realizing that it's not me, per say with the problem but the rewrite itself. Ok, let me rephrase: I know the rewrite has problems. That's what I'm trying to fix. But maybe the route I'm taking with it has a huge problem that I'm not seeing.

Because all of the sudden I'm 1/3 of the way through a very thorough outline for Outsider Holiday and I've barely worked on it. the story is just coming together. I am seeing complete scenes in my head. My themes are clear. Almost all my ideas seem to fit into it like a glove. It's practically writing itself.

Except it isn't the script I'm supposed to be writing right now.

Updates

2007-05-24T18:47:00.000-07:00

You don't know how many posts I've started and abandoned. I'm having one of those months where I hate nearly everything that comes out of my mouth. Well, technically it's coming out of my head via my fingers. Semantics.

I'm working on my re-write, the Autism Movie. It's tough. Very tough. It's one of those scripts that has a good film inside of it, but right now it's like a bunch of books laying all over the floor. Trying to make order from chaos. Tough subject matter. Trying to push the drama, but not go over the top with it. I'm making progress, but it's going so. slow.

We (me + A) got roped into doing visuals at a little club on June 2. It's fun to do visuals now and again. But right now my mind is elsewhere (writing). And the style is high techy/Tron style shit which we don't do that much of so I've got some work to do to get ready. I did have one good idea for it, though: Pong. A's got an old mid-70's era Pong game that we're gonna set up and add to the mix...and allow folks to play. think key on black, key on white, key on both. heh. should be interesting as a video layer.

A's been busy helping to get the feature he DP'ed ready for the film out. Sarah Landon and the Paranormal Hour. Release date is October 26. Right now they are getting a trailer ready to run during the Nancy Drew theatrical. A's convinced that the world is going to end before October 26. Or that his mother is going to die. She's always said that once she's seen his name credited as DP on the Big Screen that she could die happy.

We spend so much time in this biz dealing with failures, projects fizzling, cancellations and No's in general that when something does happen it's hard to believe it's true.

Ok, back to me. I mean, it is my blog.

Once I'm further on my re-write, I'm going to start again on my Outsider Family Holiday Comedy. Maybe because it's so opposite of what I'm working on right now. And, outside of the re-write, I've started to feel like I'm Funny again*. A is much more helpful to me when I'm writing funny stuff. He's pretty funny himself--one of the reasons I keep him around. I admit: A man that makes me laugh is the ticket to my heart. He can be pretty dry. Sometimes so dry people don't know he is joking. It's a good thing he has me around to laugh. I'm dual purpose: instant audience and bodyguard. Laughing, thereby saving him from bodily harm. Oh, and I'm pretty. So, there's always that.

So...anywhere...where am I going with this post? Anyone remember?

Me either.

New on my iPod: MIKA. Can't. Stop. Listening. I don't care for most pop music these days, but this kid. O. M. G. I'm sure there are some who will hate the style, but I love it. I can't stop listening. The album, his debut (he's 22 or so) is "Life in Cartoon Motion." MIKA. iTunes store or amazon to hear samples. Do it.

I would tell you about the movies I've seen but I'm embarrased to be so far behind.

Alright. Enough ramble-torture. Poor readers.

*Ok, actually not today. Right now I feel very un-funny. And I'm only posting this because it's been far too long!

So Foolin'

2007-04-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

Who can combine technology and toilet humor for a killer April Fool's Joke?

Google, of course.

I can't stop giggling.

I love big important companies that know how to take their fun seriously.

In Recovery

2007-03-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'm done. Since Wednesday night. I'm in a daze. Recovery.

Working on set/in production forces your brain into a certain mindset, if you are to survive with your sanity. After awhile, that brain-set takes a physical form in your body. You realize your shoulders are always tense. Your jaw clenched for no good reason.

With experience I've learned that the best thing I can do during the recovery period is a whole lot of nothing, or stupid meaningless silly things. Hey, I might get productive, and that would be a bonus. And I'm thankful for those moments, however fleeting.

But for a few more days I'm tackling small projects. Doing house cleaning. Organizing my iTunes library and adding all the ID3 information to my ancient mp3's. Planning my office overhaul. Doing that stuff that I kept ignoring, piled up stuff patiently waiting for my attention for months.

I'm writing a bit, more and more every day. As my brain and body remember Who I Am, again.

Sorry for the whack-o last post. I know I was being vague. Recovery. But I think I'm figuring out my problem. One thing that helped was watching "Little Miss Sunshine" the other night. I think what I'm striving for character-structure-wise is a bit like what they've done: a large, very involved supporting cast but with a classic main character (in LMS, Greg Kinnear). I'd love to read the script. Anybody got it/have knowledge/able to share?

Oh, also, more info about The Artist's Way. Here's an amazon.com link to the book. There's a short wiki about the author, but it looks like the official Artist's Way website is down right now.

Allrightythen. My iTunes library is calling. I have 294 songs that I need to hunt down the album info for. And if I feel really anal, another 300 or so that need track numbers.

Wait -- Hmmm....do I need to catch up on any scanning?

Sometimes brainless tasks are just what the doctor ordered.

Two Thongs

2007-03-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a typo works better. And that would be this blog post title. I intended Things, but sometimes fate pulls a fast one. And sometimes fate is named Shiraz.

Numero Uno: The Artist's Way

I can't believe how long it took me. I had been told by many, many people that I need to read Julie Cameron's book The Artist's Way.

Although I do regret the previous lapse in judgment, I'm actually in the perfect place and time right now for it to help and stick. Because I want it. Really. I'm ready, and I've shown myself (finally) that I am. I actually believe it.

I've just started the book and the introduction has been freaking me out. In a good way. I'll keep ya'll posted on my process. Even if you don't give a shit.

Numero Dos: My script

Fuck it -- I'm telling ya'll the title. PERFECT PITCH.

Ok, technically it's not the title yet, really. Like, to the producer or anyone else involved except me. I'm waiting for the right moment to...pitch it. Anyway, I like it a lot better than the current title and works perfectly in so many ways.

But so I had a realization about the script. Which has me sort-of in a panic. I've written here before about how I need to change the main character. What I'm realizing more and more is that it's a bit of an ensemble piece. And I've never attempted an ensemble before.

I'm freakin out a bit. And I've been so slammed with the last days of work and various required social functions that I've had no time to write. But actually, it's been perfectly timed to my process: At first I scribbled a lot of notes and did a bunch of research before I got busy. (I think I mentioned before the story involves an autistic boy and it's very important to me that I provide a realistic viewpoint.)

When I've been too busy to write lately my brain has been brewing. In my research phase I read a wide variety of viewpoints and informational sources. (Have I told you lately how much I abso-fucking-lutely love the InterWebs?) And in that time all those ideas were so varied that my logical brain kept them separate. Time provided the way: I saw how they could all come together and work.

And it starts with the fact it's an ensemble script.

The idea is the easy part.

My loyal readership -- any advice you can provide is like a welcoming hug. Shower me.

Help

2007-03-19T02:39:00.000-07:00

Anxiety Attack

OhMyF-ingGodWhatTheFFFFhaveIgottenMyselfIntoImjgd;sgljksuchgjdl;aajg;lajkhackjgka;ldgkutieopwqbnjshbpife

sssssssbreathewwwwwwwwwbreathesssssssokwwwwwwwww

OWWWch WTF is in my pocket--

(muffled swear words)

Clunnnk.

Sigh.

...

BEW! BEW BEW!!! BEW BEW BEW!!!!!! BEW!

BEW!

(thanks for listening)

Ensemble Script

2007-03-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I've come to realization on my re-write: it's really an ensemble story. Or at least that's how I think it can be the strongest script.

And this freaks me out. New territory. I've felt a bit lost since this realization.

Ok, time for this project to have a codename. We'll call it codename: Autism Story.

Obviously, from the codename you can deduce it's about autism in some way. It centers around an autistic boy with perfect pitch. As written currently, the boy is the main character. But as a character this is a big problem. Currently he shows some change, but it's forced and really not very realistic. Since this is such a hot-bed issue these days I'm really striving to capture the realism of the situation. I've done a lot of reading research and as soon as I'm done with working full-time I'm going to begin meeting and interviewing real people: doctors and teachers and families and autistic kids.

But it's already clear to me that my first issue to tackle has been who is the main character? And that's been a struggle. Is it the teacher? Mom? Sister? Everytime I've tried to develop these characters to be main it seems a bit stretched and too far from point....blah blah blah just not quite right. You know.

So in the past week or so I've been so busy I haven't had any time to work on it at all but my brain has been brewing. And I came upon a realization: I have multiple main characters. It needs to be an ensemble.

It came to my visually. The autistic child is the center, like a sun in a galaxy. the other characters are like planets orbiting around the sun. Of course their importance (virtual closeness) will vary. But I realized that the autistic child will indeed change, but only in response to changes in all these characters orbiting around him. Kinda like people speaking different languages finally communicating. except that it's the planets that are learning to communicate differently and the sun (child) is changing only in response to finally understanding the language. (here's where my analogy breaks down horribly so forgive me.)

Why does this worry me so? Well, as I mentioned above this is new territory for me. I've never attempted an ensemble script. And I tend to be wary of them: so many ensemble movies have left me with a bad taste in my mouth: of course I will indentify with someone but I'll never be happy with the amount of screentime they are given. It can be hard to develop that character relationship I desire. But then again of the ensemble films I enjoy, I hardly notice they are. Seamless and beautiful. So it seems to be very hit or miss.

I'm worried about screwing this up.

So if anyone has any insight or advice on writing a strong ensemble piece, please do share. Or, if by chance you have some direct experience with Austism please speak up.

It's very very very important to me to do this right.

Roped In & Ramblings

2007-03-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

So yesterday should have been my last day working on the tv show. It's not.

The show has always lived in a limbo state, one tiny step away from cancellation. Now it's even closer. In an attempt to save it, the creator pitched the network on a revamp idea and we're shooting a presentation next week for 2 days. And I have to work it.

Not that I was actually ASKED mind you. And it really pisses me off. My brain has been set up on a very orchestrated schedule of when the show was ending and these two days next week only came about in the past week. So overall, I'm not really psyched about working it. But it peeves me more that no one bothered to ask me. Granted, my job is rather wierd and I work under various departments so that doesn't help matters. I do video playback, but on our show it's mostly computers. And most of that is background ND stuff, not hero. On our show I work mostly under props. But I also work under the set decorator. Our graphics guy makes most of the stuff I play, but not always. Sometimes it comes in from LA through production. Technically on other shows I'm lumped in with sound (which is where all my checks ended up in the first few weeks). And on the call sheet I'm under production services.

So usually it's a bitch to get information. I have to do a lot of seeking out my various bosses and asking them about stuff because they don't communicate much to me. And I think it's gotten worse over the season because they realize I'm a smart capable gal who's completely overqualified for the position.

So I've had exactly one person (first AD) talk to me about exactly one scene. I got way more information from one of the swing guys. WTF? And there I am last night, being handed a prelim with my name on it for the first day. And a glance at the next day shows I'm sucked into that day too.

Since I'm now in a nice bitter mood, I'll expand on my previous post. In the comments sb asked: " i hope that your experience is the exception and not the rule! Yikes! Maybe you could share said things that he/she has done so that we, too, may learn what NOT to do?"

For the most part, I've worked with some really good directors. The source of my previous rant has been much more the exception so far in my (somewhat limited) experience. He is now ranked as my own #2 most hated of all time. (My #1 wasn't from this show). During this past season besides him, there are 2 other directors I didn't really like much, but nowhere near The Asshole. All the others I got along with well and liked. I had one experience that floored me: when I asked the director if he wanted a computer on, off, or on with a screensaver (it was an "after hours" shot) he returned the question to me: "what do you think?" OMG. Amazing. A director who has respect for the crew and desires their input. That made me very happy.

One of The Asshole's worst traits is that he doesn't do his primary job of planning his shots and knowing what he wants. This is a TV show for crying out loud. We do 7 page days. If you want to be fly-by-the-seat-style, direct a movie with a big budget and 3 page days. And it's not even that he's doesn't know what kind of shots he wants. He'll make last minute demands for things that we sometimes aren't prepared for. And honestly, there's no harm in asking for stuff like that because you never know and if it makes things better than go for it. But his attitude is not one of asking but demanding something immediately. And if you can't do it, he throws a hissy fit. And if you do, not a word of thanks. ever. He doesn't prepare, and acts like a spoiled brat when you can't meet his immediate demands.

He's horrible at describing what it is he wants. Then you bring him something and his voice changes to this 5 year old whiney voice and he snaps "I don't like it." or "That's not what I wanted at all!" but then still can't really tell you what it is he wants. At the last minute. That I'm busting my ass to scramble up for him. Which if he really wanted so bad he should have thought of and communicated earlier.

He's always got this dour grimace on his face. He regularly completely ignores people who try to talk to him, and sometimes just literally shoves people aside while doing so. He completely man-handles people. He will grab the stand-ins by the shoulders and literally shove them around to get them into a position he wants. I heard stories of last season: Once the main star's stand-in was doing a camera rehersal with a walk and she started the walk at a wrong moment. Instead of asking her to come back he grabbed her ponytail and drug her back. I heard he once was literally pounding his fists on the floor. And he continues to direct episodes. Grrrr.

Ok, enough negative ranting for now. I must have something good to share. Ok, I just came up for a good motivation for this extra two days of work. With the money I make from those two days I'm finally buying my iPod. I can't believe I still don't have an iPod but it's tough when honest to god I won't settle for less than the 80 gig iPod video. So those two days are my iPod days. I had long planned that I was going to buy myself an iPod as a present to myself for working the whole season. A reward. I like to do that sometimes. When I got my first real professional job (a job I got because of my college degree, basically) with my first paycheck I bought a Palm IIIxe. As a present to myself. Because I deserved it since I rocked so hard.

Ohh, here's another bit of good news: we have a new Mac in the family. A bit of backstory: I type this from my main computer, a laptop. I still can't get over it myself that my main computer is a laptop. But of course it's a 17" MacBook Pro (first generation) that I ordered the first day I could. Previous to this I was on a PC, but spent a great deal of time on Mac's in college before I owned my own computer. But when it was time to buy that first computer Macs were way too expensive so I got a PC. But a year ago I was working on a project that I had to have a Mac laptop for and the timeline was a bit tight but I waited and it paid off: I got my laptop a scant 2 weeks before the shoot began, just enough time to install programs and do a few workflow tests. And now I hardly ever turn on my PC desktop workstation. I live on my laptop. Which I think works better for writing.

So back on topic: we got a new Mac. See, one bonus of working on a tv show and being the computer person is that I picked up a barely used G5 quad and 20 inch apple monitor for very very very very cheap. The G5 needs major RAM and another hard drive (or swap out both) but we scored a great deal. Apple sends us promo computers to use during the show and at the end of the season you can buy them at deep discount. They're still on warranty until July and you can get apple care if you want. The show had 8 G5 towers and I got the only quad, the rest were only duals. heh. pays to be in my position.

I'm trying to convert my PC boyfriend to Mac. I think the G5 might be the trick, plus the fact that I know what I'm doing on OSX now so I can stop his rants about "how come I can do X on my PC but I can't do it on the Mac?" Cuz he's wrong. Mac rules, Microsoft drools. Linux is cool, too. Someday I will tackle that, too.

Ok, another cool thing that happened a few weeks ago. (Wow, this post is getting long and rambly. Yea, deal.) We had a scene that was set in a supercomputer lab. And we really shot it in an honest-to-God supercomputer lab at USCD. Personally, I think they were crazy for letting us shoot there. Of course it was a sound nightmare: it reminded me of a TV movie I worked on that we shot on a docked aircraft carrier: a constant loud drone. I guess they're going to ADR everything later. So of course in my geekdom it was cool hanging out in a supercomputer lab, but it gets even better. I arrive early on set because I have to set up our hero computers: 9 screens from 7 computers. The location contact is letting me into the room and I notice the sign next to the door which was fake for the show. One of the graphics guys named the computer lab after me, with my last name. so it was my supercomputer lab. I totally nabbed the sign as we were leaving and it's now on my office door.

But even cooler was this: on the drive home, I remembered what day it was. March 6. The day my father died when I was 11. He was the one responsible for making me the computer nerd I am today. We bonded a lot over the TSR-80 we had: he taught me the beginnings of computer programming (BASIC of course).

Anyway, in retrospect I felt it was all a big hug from Dad.

And that's what we call full-fucking-circle.

This is the End

2007-03-14T21:25:00.000-07:00

We're in the final days of the season shooting the last episode. So. burnt.

All I have to say is: I HATE ASSHOLE DIRECTORS. I almost just told him to go fuck himself. He's a complete baby. Everyone on the crew hates him. And we're all so burnt and tired and ready to be done that we don't feel like kissing his ass. And really don't care. It's almost become comical how pissy he gets. He doesn't get it that being a jerk does not win you any respect from the people working for you. Who wants to bust their ass for a whiny asshole baby?

It cracks me up how tired and worn out the directors get. Yea, they've a lot to do in that time and pressure and shit but when they're on set for a scant 7-9 days and the rest of the crew has worked every day since July I don't have any empathy.

I might tell him he's a great example for my own directing future: a true example of what not to do. I should tell him how he better watch his back because soon I'll be taking his jobs. Heh.

If today had been any other day earlier in the season I would have probably quit today. but with only 2 more days left after today I can take it. Maybe.

Grrrr.

Breathe. 2 days left. I can survive. I simply have to pretend he doesn't exist.

Some Kinda Record

2007-02-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

#1 Number of Blog Posts In 24 hours

#2 Number of Cool Things Happening to Me In a Week
Now we're up to #3
(for those not following at home, #1: writing gig #2: nephew will enters the world)

.....and now I get word that the movie I worked on last summer, that I worked intently with the writers on, that my boyfriend DP'ed, that I was supposed to edit but had to quit after a difference in management style, got picked up for distribution! Despite my ending with the project, I'm very happy for them and I hope it kicks some serious butt! And not just because my DP boyfriend secured himself some points in the deal. But it doesn't hurt, either.

Right now I'm in complete denial this is all happening, so I could wake up tomorrow and be forced to recant but right now I'm a little overwhelmed with my life. So far 2007 has my money for best. year. ever.

And now I've probably jinxed it all by saying that.

Welcome to the World Will

2007-02-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

Off-topic but it's my blog. I'll do what I want.

I'm officially an Aunt 3 times over as of this morning: my nephew Will was born today, joining his adorable big sisters Caroline and Catherine.

He picked a cool date to be born: 2/27/2007.

I have two fun things I'm doing as long term projects for my nieces and now nephew. First, on the day they are born I collect the news of their birth from around the Internets. Actually this started for a reason: my first niece Caroline was born in 2002 in Alaska. About 45 minutes after her birth there was a 7.9 richer earthquake along the Denali Fault, the epicenter of which was 50-ish miles away from where she was born. She came in with a bang. AND she was born the day before my birthday. Nice. I wanted to collect all the info about the earthquake for her later, and thus started this tradition.

My second tradition is that on each of their birthdays I write them a letter that they will receive in a bundle when they turn 18. It's a mix of current events and my thoughts on them, memories, advice, etc. Should be interesting for both of us. Heh.

And because I have no transition, a change of topic.

Thanks to everyone who's commented on my blog. Yea! People are reading it! Feedback rocks.

Although I'm not sure if I should be freaked out that all 3 people who have commented on my blog so far share the same first name.

Which is also the name that I was would have now if I'd turned out to be of the Other Gender.

Chew on that while I get back to writing before I have to go into work today. (For anyone playing along at home, work ends T-minus 13 days and counting.)

New Developments

2007-02-27T01:16:00.000-08:00

Holy Shit.

I've been hired for my first official screenwriting gig. It's a rewrite of a script I read and gave some notes on a few years ago. I thought it was dead. I guess it's only the current script that's dead because I've been tapped to re-write it. The producer loves me. Loves all my ideas. We've got a great rapport. Sounds almost toooo good to be true.

(Shut up. Why do you have to doubt every good thing that happens to you?)

The script itself needs a lot more drama. Everything needs to be way amped. The basic story is there I think. Mostly. Sorta. But it requires at least one major change: the main character. Right now the main character is a child with a developmental disability. It doesn't work. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the teacher, creating a whole lot of character arc work and structure change. Just to start.

I'm super excited. It's a family drama with an uplifting ending, but should have moments of funny. And if I know this producer as much as I think I do, this will get made. The story is an important one to tell, and timely.

But of course I have some moments of sheer panic that I will somehow make the script worse. Then I get over it.

The subject matter requires a decent amount of research, research that I sorta don't want to be doing because I want to jump in and write but not only is the research information integral to the plot, but it's providing me even more inspirations about ways to improve the story. So I'm back and forth. Internet. Outlining. Jotting down little things. Repeat.

I almost hate to admit it, but one of the best things about this project is the sense of deadline. I don't have any kind of date deadline yet (it's too early to know especially while I'm still working full time for a few more weeks). But I have the knowledge that someone is waiting for my draft.

And as much as that also freaks me out a bit, it does so in that all important motivating way.

so yay. for me. finally.

The Big Jump

2007-01-31T19:48:00.000-08:00

Soon I make the big jump. Bittersweet excitement.

I simply cannot make the days pass fast enough to be done with my job on the TV show -- mid-March for the curious. Not that there's really anything wrong with the show or my job, it's just not where I want to be.

Months ago I decided that I was going to write full time when this show is over. I will have to take on some little jobs to help with the bills --short, sweet and decent paying. Little editing gigs, motion graphics projects, maybe a website or graphics work. But my focus, my core intention is on writing.

Thankfully, I will be able to Just Write for a while...I've worked so much in the past year I've earned it. Of course, I'm equally excited and terrified.

It reminds me of my senior year in high school -- back in West Des Moines, Iowa. In Iowa, they grow the smartest kids ever. So smart, in fact, that they all leave shortly after graduation. It took me a bit longer, but I eventually followed the masses Elsewhere. Anyway, long before I actually left, I was decidedly DONE with high school, ready to be out-out-out...yet not quite ready for my best friends to go off in all different directions for college.

But then, we still had the summer.

That's how I want to set my mentality: this freedom I'm going to feel: it's fleeting and will be gone before I know it. So make it fraking count.

New Idea

2007-01-25T23:41:00.000-08:00

I have this bad habit of Never Finishing. The Grass is Always Greener Syndrome when it comes to my scripts and stories. And I'm doing it again.

When I started to re-focus on my writing, I decided to just pick one idea and finish it. At this point, I don't care if it sucks balls, I just need to get the stone a rollin'. Since that script has a (really bad) temporary title, I'm going to refer to it as Codename: Loner Girl.

Too bad I'm more stuck than white on rice.

I had hoped to be much further on Codename: Loner Girl by now. Sure I make progress, little bits here and there, but nothing substantial. And every time I try to force it I only make things worse so I'm just letting that one roast for a bit.

So a week or so back, two things happen to me: first, I catch a random indie flick on IFC. Then I read a spec script I happen to find lying around one of our sets at the studio, mixed up in a bunch of set dressing books. The script had evidently been sold a few months back to a major studio and is now "in development." Now, both of these were pretty crappy, but each had moments I liked...and each reminded me a little bit of an idea I had a few months back when I was on an idea-generation rampage. Right now it also doesn't really have a title. Ok, it might have title, but I'm still letting it soak in. So for now it's called Codename: Outsider Holiday.

This one has got me excited. Who knows yet if it will actually be good, but at least the story seems to be coming together. The characters are coming alive easily. Nice.

And now I've realized why I think Codename: Loner Girl is causing me so much pain. I've restricted my plot as part of my story, making it very difficult to write a strong, cinematic script. It's a challenging idea -- I wouldn't admit how challenging until now. I think I'm gonna have to put it away until I'm better at my craft.

So, there's that.

I Wanted To Bitch. Really.

2007-01-12T02:49:00.000-08:00

As the world seems to go mad around me, I feel somewhat in my own bubble of peace. Not that everything's Just Grand, but holiday break combined with my reinforced writing goal has ushered in a new Queen Age.

As for this blog, I thought I really wanted to bitch about my day job. Then every time I wanted to my thoughts kept wandering into the land of the important things I'm learning.

I'm sure that will change soon. Stay tuned for snarky remarks and silly futile arguments. I give it 2 weeks--tops.

But while we still live in la-la land, I have had recent breakthroughs. For example:

There's this one director I don't get along with at all. AT ALL. But, by simultaneous effort we get along great now. I even fixed a problem on his new laptop for him which took probably an hour or more of my time (when I wasn't doing anything else).

Like I alluded, I think it was effort on both our parts. He seemed to chill more, I think I got better at communicating my needs to him. Essentially, we both treated each other like professionals Right Now, no matter our past history.

When his episode was over and he was doing the after-wrap rounds, I gave him a hug and honestly meant the gesture.

It was nice to come full circle.

Ready, Set...um...

2007-01-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

All ready to be cranky and bitchy...the steam wheezed out of the engine.

I purposely didn't look ahead to my schedule past one day, knowing full well how fast things can change. I didn't want to get excited if it looked like I might have a day off.

Then I got to work, looked at the week ahead, and an amazing thing happened. The gods were with me. I didn't have to work for the next 2 whole days in a row. I'm enjoying the last day of those 2 as we speak. I go back to work tomorrow, Friday. Just in time for another 2 whole days off. Simply amazing. Lately it seemed I was lucky to get 2 whole days off per episode (ep=approx 8 shooting days), let alone (gasp) in a row. Not only that, but on top of just 1 day after coming back from a major break? woohoo! so far in 2007 it looks like I'm on an early streak of good luck.

I'm writing, some~ish. Piddling, really. Twidlin' here, flounderin there. I can't figure out who gets my attention. But I'm going to make myself chose one very soon and at least finish a draft, even if it sucks. That gives me plenty of time to decide what comes next.

Oh the Dread

2007-01-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow at 7 am I have to report back to work -- far too early in the new year and far too soon for me. I was only just getting comfy, finally relaxing. Two-ish weeks: not enough time.

Ok, so I didn't spend as much of my holiday break writing as I wanted. Although on the bright side, I did do a tremendous amount of idea generation, plotting work, writing loglines, summarizing and taking my first real honest look at all the archived inspirations, idea bits and screenplays-in-the-works. But none of that work was focused on one thing, which was my original lofty goal, until I got completely stuck.

But now it's time to go back. I just have to survive the last 3 months on set. And not just survive, but find some way to thrive. Or at the very fucking least, simply be at peace and prepare myself for my next big phase: writing full time. I want to really try to do some kind of writing on set, even if it's just this blog.

As I scramble to come up with some point for this entry, I guess this is serving as warning: this blog could certainly OD on darkly funny scathing remarks that, out of context, could make me appear like a whiny bitch. And I might actually agree with you there: lately, I don't really like ME. I'm becoming annoying, even to myself. I guess that's some kind of accomplishment...or...

More likely, it's a sign that I'm ignoring some things write in front of my face. All I need to do is get on the write path -- make doing the write thing as easy as possible.

My apologies, in advance, for any extreme bitterness that may ensue.

So here I go. Again.

Blog Abuse

2006-12-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

I'm resolved.

I'm going to use and abuse this blog as a tool to get my arse writing, working on voice, and getting me through until production ends and I am going to focus on writing, finally, full time.

But for now, I'm an on-set special-function slave-type worker-bee for a network television drama.

I guess it's easy to be so resolved, right now--I'm free for the moment. Glorious holiday break, a scant twoish weeks free from the grueling 12-16 hour days.

Nearly every crew member on set works 5 days a week, there are some day players, or strange folks like me with specialized jobs that aren't required in every scene. I work around half the scenes, but I'm there a lot more than half the time. Works out to be at least 3 days a week, but usually more like 4 and I've had more 5 day weeks than I'd like to remember. Since mid July, we've been doing thing. And will continue straight up after New Years until mid-end of March.

It's an insane schedule that is honestly trying to kill you. If it were not for having wireless internet when we are at the studio I would truly go mad. Me & My MacBook Pro: BFF. On location (read: no internet, unless some ignorant chump happens to have an open wireless network nearby), I read screenplays, or books, or the backlog of my boyfriend's Make Magazines. Sometimes I write, but it's hard with the constant interruptions and Channel 1 chatter that I have to listen to for the 1 in 100th time they are calling for me.

My job on set is extraordinarily easy for me, but the reason I'm in this job is really not for my actual job. It's to learn.

The show I work on is underrated, but the writing is fabulous. The acting is top notch as well. But it's on a network that's not taken very seriously. But it's honestly a good show. You could say I'm biased, but in the past I've frankly worked on some crappy stuff, and I knew it. But I'm now a huge fan of my own show. Even cooler, at least from my learning persective, is that instead of seeing it on screen first I get to gobble down the script, watch the production process (for the most part), and then see the finished product on the lil screen. I get to watch various directors and their styles. I get to fulfill one of my production goals to work in and around the art department. So it's been good for a lot of reasons.

But I know It's Time. It's Waaaay Past Time, in fact, for me to start trolling through those endless text files of ideas and beginnings and snippets of stories and see what I've got -- and finally finish a draft of something. So I started, and then realized a lot of what I was thought was great is crap. And I'm so relieved, in a way, because it means I am able to see plot holes and potential problems more clearly than before. Can't be bad.

So, as for this 'ol thing (kicks blog's tires) ...not quite sure what I'm gonna use 'er fer: bitchin 'bout work, writing about writing that I should be writing, or just lamenting about life. We shall see.

Let's get this party started.